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You are watching a movie in the television
The movie is about a murder
There alots of people die inside that movie…
and only one is alive?
The one who alive manage to find out the murderer and became hero.
EVEN THOUGH alots of people that she/he love  had died.

Movie got alot of characteristics
there are clumsy, naughty and talkative person
there also a quite , cool and intelligent person
or maybe ego, evil and stupid person

my question is…
Who are you? if this movie becaming reality in your life…

i am sure…
Alots of you will choosing to be the one who called “hero”
An extra ordinary person who are always saved and stay breathing…
who are able to see and digging for the truth..

Actually ..we not choosed the character..we felt the character is our charecter..automaticlly…do not lie…

Why the pheonomennon is like that??
remmember ‘Final Destination” ?
in that movie alots of kids had  died from the unknown death attack….
and the one who is safe from it…. was the luckiest , blessed , smartest and able to escape from the death planning.

When i was a tenage girls …i used to think it that way…

Nobody ever think that maybe they hold the evil characterics
or maybe we are the one who been murder or killed in the first time.

Everyone want to be hero ! Nobody want to be the zero…
Arent we?

But..without the Zero…
There will no such things called Hero..
Think about it…
who are the most precious character..A Zero or A Hero?

Its not only in the movie or simulation of life…

Its in reality….





LaptpThe Millennium-Years Evening


I was at home when my friend call my cellphone.
“where are you, dude?”
“at home , why?”
Then she ask me to go for some place nearest to discuss something about our research.
She determine. She totally feels like i will do her wish.
Well..! she right. I donno why it is hard for me to said ” No thanks”
or ” i cant”…

She have a sit there with her laptop on the table, when i reached at the restaurant.
i am  sitting in front of her .
..she busy with her online programmes… YM?? maybe….
Not only her, there are some people online in that restaurant.
It was just an ordinary restaurant. not an aircond at all… but has a wireless connection. 
Alot of restaurants nowadays had a free wireless connection, Thats shows how important Internet are..We need to online!
Just to attract people to go there. Another strategy is to have an extra big Television Screen with full-sports-channel.
When Football session comes. you can see… restaurants became a stadium! Loud and Crowd!
that what millenium stuff! Internet and football!. ups forgot! i love Liverpool..hehehe..

“How re u ?” my friend start to notice that i was there…she quickly look at my face, and quickly change her eyes to her laptop again.
..she just want to make sure it was me not an ape!!…
i dont know what to answer hers.. i mean …the ‘fine..thanx.’ is so boring. ..and the ‘Great !!!!’ is too much…but there nothing more…
When i just open my mouth to answer her..she tell me about her stories.. Actually,she dont care about my condition…
You know … In this millenium generation… You dont need to answer that question ” How re u?”
No! it is don’t mean something to us in a body now!! i wanted to cryyyy!!!

The waitress come. Looking at me.
 ” Hot Coffee please…” i asked for a cup of coffee..Just keep Quite, with an angry face she then go back to the kitchen.
i am thinking ” Am I doing anything wrong?”. Why she mad at me. Forget about the waiterss. Maybe she suffered a diabetes.
My friend looking at me smiling. i knew whats in her mind.

” I am not yet take caffein today! i need atleast one cup of coffee a day” i tell her.
 She said ” I never saw anyone drink a cup of hot coffee in the
middle of  about 40 celcius  burning afternoon?, and you even not yet having your lunch? you will dehidrate”
i just smiling.
It was a millenium years remmember? why is on earth do i had to follow a timetable just to have a cup of coffee..
dehidration not because of  a cup of coffee! it about a lack of WATER? and keep this in mind!>> Just dont get stress! you will save.
And a cup coffee sometime help me to overcome the stress. I just want to have a simple life.

My ‘Coffee’ come……” Thanks” smiling at the waitress. I guess..She in a good mood now,..Because i just saw her joking with some guy previously.
She go away without a smile on her face. Once again ” what wrong with her? she hate me?”
Maybe she exhausted. Just keep positive. If not i will smack her down. Imagination make me feels better.
I drink my coffee slowly…started to take my laptop from my bag. and put it on the table. i am online now. I feel boring. She invite me here. but put me aside.
i looking  for a blog.i love to read blogger’ thoughts. but yet till now i donno how to do it right.

After several minutes. she finish her online programmes. Her laptop’s baterry weak. Then she look at me seriously.
I just found something interesting in the internet, and i enjoy to read it line by line. But then…
” We need to discuss about our research” she told me
I look at her. ” okay ” i said. but still busy with my reading.
” Can you be serious!?” huhuhuhuhuhu what?!
I stop reading…and shutdown my laptop. Selfish is not a bad attitude. Nowadays,  Its a must for some people.
People..sometimes… cannot living without selfish..they  feels that everyone wanted to bullied them slowly…
they need selfish to feel save..
what a weird Disease?

After several minutes discussing, she started talking about something else. ‘ SHOPPING?’
And i..just follows the way..
What a Pasive human being am i?

Time is running out. Suprisingly, There was me who excited talking about my experiences when her cellphone ringing.
hahahah..we talking  so much rubbish…
” I must go now dude” she told me. ” My roomate call me, she need me to come home early,bye…”

WHAT? BUT i am not finish my story yet…!!!

“okay i said”…she pay for her bill and i paid mine.

i  went home by bus while she drive her car.
 With my earphone on my ear i started to walk to the nearest bustop.

i didnt feels nothing wrong happen. Nothing! I am happy just to have some music to listen….and i already have my coffee.
Am I already torn in this millenium age of  world or  am i just as same as them.. maybe??

we are the millennium…

huhuhuhu..waiting for the bus…..


 my research progress. DELAYED AGAIN.

…… now in the middle of the nite…i fighting myself to finish the research alone…
She will call me when it finish and asked me to forward the task via email.
and act like she did alotsof work  in the next project’s presentation.
I wont believe any cooperation again.
what is that…? discussing all the time…but nothing really works. i prefer to call it as ‘disgusting’ rather than discussing
 It is a bullshit method to have in this mellinium years with the mellinium genaneration.
Millenium generation always think about compatition. we want to make sure that we are the best by hook or by crook.

But what we really get from it? – satisfaction? honnor ? .pleaseeee..

people will care about something, when ‘something’ efected her/his life.

…………………………………………………………………………………………. i am a millenium generation too..



if i meet Love
i’ll promised i run away
i’ll lock myself inside the small cage…
and i turn the light off…i’ll never go out ..
..Just seeing them from that cage…and cry me a river…
                   till i forgot what Love is.?

Hurt…..cant be explain by a conversation…
how can i ??  even a small breathing is difficult for me….

 ..but I Love that Pain..

Its kinda weird when i said ‘ I am already forgot IT ‘
  because my heart beat up fast.. till explode…my blood running through the arteries to all the organs ..sucking all the oxigen..
and my knees seem so weak……..

Whatever i did…Your chemistry is still there….inside the soul..and cant  be destroyed…even the heart stop beating.

…..i am tired of it.

I dont want you! no matter what…
 like a drug inside medicine…
help to less the pain..addicted…addicted..addicted…
…But still my sickness cant be Cure!
 and when i am imune to your drug..throw you away…and the pain getting worse..

That what they showed me…and i am affraid i belive that is true! I Believe is True…

Stay away from me please…
 i will hurt you some more…more…more…
and thats hurting me too…
 its eat me alive…

dont you relise it ??
 Aint hope that you understand me..Just..
Let me stay in My cage forever…
 and i will did an explaination to my heart till i die..

Can you imagine life without problems?

Can you imagine a human that never cry?

Can you imagine world existence without hereafter?

 When I am happy …I am always wanted to be happy, this is my comfort zone!

I am afraid that one day I will cry hard, I am afraid that one day I got sick, I am afraid that one day I will did suicide.

But, I felt dull. I need changes. But I never change when I am happy…Would you?

I think I need frustration.

And when I in love….one day…I will be forgotten my existent.  I will hold it, and I will fly higher and higher. Then we broke up. I would fall down in a worse way. Damaged.  I am afraid to this world. Sometime I said I need it but actually I don’t.

Never hope this world to become part of me. Never hope this world become peace at once.

I repeat that; I never hope that will happen one day.

Maybe you probably felt weird. There a lot of people praying for the peace. Plenty songs created only for that matter. There a lot of efforts for peace. Thanks but no thanks.




It is just a placed to test. To test how we deal with the happiness, the suffering, the good that bad, the bad that good, the decisions.


When you felt the wind blowing on your wet hand, felt the breathing in every seconds, if you could see the haze in the morning. If could see the shadow behind the sun.  

I think you probably choose to be suffering rather than happiness in this world.

You don’t want to be here.

This isn’t a place for a pleasant life. You could try.

God always wanted us to be happy in this world and hereafter.

But I don’t really care my life in this world. I would be happy if I am suffers, I would be happy if I am in peace. I am thankful in everyway the world would bring me. Anyway DEATH is the destination.

Let me cry, don’t bother me

I just need a complete frustration till my brain dead.


Finaly i meet my Lord

Finaly i meet my Lord



Do you ever been in a situation where someone suddenly accost you and said “Hi! It’s been a long time I didn’t see you…where re you working now? ” But ….


YOU DON’T KNOW HIM/HER! , You trying very hard to remembering her face…but you can’t. You started to blaming yourself for became absent-minded.


After a particular days or months or years, you meet with that person again, and him/her seem ‘no LONGER’ recognize you. You trying to explain to that person, about where and how that you met him/her. You failed. He/she blur.


Are you or that person insane ? ? ? ? ?


I am told my best-friend about this story. She said that is Déjà vu phenomenon.

Until now she doesn’t have any accurate finding about that weird phenomenon even after a several years working on that research. I felt excited. Am I experienced in a so-called strange thing in the world? It is a very weird situation.


A woman accost me in a bus, ask me a lot of questions and I don’t know how to answer them.


She ask me “Where are working now?” but I am still undergraduate at that time.

“How your mother ?”  My mother ?? she was fine…I mean.. Why she asked that.


…I ask her…” May I know you?”

SHE told me “YES. You re my ex-officemate!  Aren’t you?”

I said confidently “NO…I am sorry but I didn’t know you and I am not your office-mate. I am still studying.


I thought she must be mistaken.


After a year, I am finished with the undergraduate study. I met her in my work place. She was my office-mate. !!!!! GOD!!!

She didn’t recognize me, but I am sure that was her who I met in a bus a year ago.

After 2 month working, I have to quit that job because I have to take care of my mother who was alone and unwell in my hometown. My parent just divorced in cruel way,

My life change, frustration and worn out.


Then, I knew why she asked “HOW YOUR MOTHER?”

I think she was experienced a déjà vu. I was the element of her déjà vu experienced.  Maybe God wanted me to know the future before I am entering that life. But I didn’t notice it. I was laughing about the ‘mistaken’ during that time.


Déjà vu not only occurred in your dream, It happen when you awake and sane! Believe me



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